This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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