did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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