I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
