I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
