I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
