Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize