ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
