idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
