i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
