I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
