You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
