drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
