So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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