did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
