I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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