Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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