Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
