I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
