Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
