Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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