I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Randomize
