i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize