it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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