I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
