I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize