this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
