did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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