At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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