He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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