Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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