The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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