porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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