So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
