how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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