I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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