There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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