ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
