It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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