Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
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