so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
