stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
