Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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