the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
