sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
