oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
