I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
