I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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