ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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