is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
