There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
