Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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