help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
