she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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