It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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