I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
