Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the condom got lost in my hair
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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