I am puke
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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