a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
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