my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
