she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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