the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
