Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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