walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
