do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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