PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
