you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
