I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
