the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
