Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
