I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
