So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
