As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize