Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
