wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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